Excerpt of an article By Amy Bell
Having to get along with different kinds of people is a normal part of working life, and some disagreement is inevitable. In fact, it is even a sign of a healthy business, experts say.
There’s a colleague I really struggle to work with. What can I do?
The first step is self-awareness, so you understand what you are bringing to a conflict situation, says Sala Sihombing, a mediator and conflict management consultant in Hong Kong.
An intense reaction to something or someone is often “a clue to how important that issue might be to us”, she points out. It is influenced by beliefs and experiences that we all have about handling conflict, whether from childhood, society, training or previous jobs.
But I hate confrontation. How can I make sure the conversation goes well?
Approach the meeting with a curious mindset, adds Sihombing: “It keeps you flexible and open to new information. You’ll keep asking questions and wanting to problem-solve.” Also, do something physical beforehand that gets you moving, such as taking a walk (her own favourite is to play “Permission to Dance” by K-pop band BTS on YouTube — “it’s very boppy”).
Ultimately, if you keep arguing and getting stuck in negative emotional language, you need to set boundaries with the person, advises Sihombing. To prevent further escalation, she recommends applying the “Biff” technique — brief, informative, friendly and firm, devised by Bill Eddy, an expert in conflict at work — when devising a way to respond.
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